Dear X,

I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. Yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my social security card, and it is on all the income tax forms I’ve filed for the past 24 years. It is on my driver’s license, on the last 8 damn passports I’ve had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I’ve had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times. It is on my MIL-ID since 24 Years.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother’s name is yyyyyyy, my father’s name is xxxxx and I’d be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!
I apologize; I’m really pissed off this morning. Between you an‘ me, I’ve had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my home in Germany and then you ask me for my address?
What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthal asses working there!
Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don’t want to dig up Yasser Arafat, I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach and I need it to live in Germany and travel around the World. You know what traveling outside the US is?
And would someone please tell me, why would you care whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I’d sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, ‚cause I have call to the US and get another copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $100 for oversee citizens. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day and send it to Germany????
Nooooo, that’d be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You’d rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some idiot to confirm that it’s really me on the damn picture – you know, the one where we’re not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic morons)
Hey, you know why we can’t smile? We’re totally pissed off!

Signed – John

P.S.. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it’s me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1937 …….I have served in the military for something over 24 years, active and reserve, have security clearances up the yingyang you send my ass to some hotspots and you gave me two purple hearts and some others.
However, I have to get someone ‚important‘ to verify who I am born. And you want to run the Nations health care system?!?